Me: To you, What does it mean to be a Black man in America?
Dad: Plain and simple, a threat. Everywhere you go in the good old USA, being a black man in America means you are constantly viewed through the lens of being a threat—that you don’t belong because you are trouble JUST BECAUSE you are black. It’s routed throughout American DNA no matter all the polite bullshit or societal illusions. 2020 really showed how true this is. And your threat level goes up the darker one’s skin tone is so you’re dealing with inherent racism and colorism to top it off.

“When I was younger, my parents would always tell me not to wear du-rags and hoods outside the house. At the time, I didn’t understand why. It wasn’t until Trayvon Martin was murdered where I started to understand how America really feels about black men. This is where the idea of double-consciousness began for me.” - Sebastian Alexander Bass

Dad: Before your mother’s death, as two parents we could support one another through the ups and downs of raising a newborn to a toddler. I freely admit there were things she did that I took for granted such as the planning/scheduling of pediatrician appointments, daycare, playdates. As a man, I was a bit blinded by the fact people didn’t fully expect me to worry about this but as a woman, it was expected of your mother. After her death, the weight of doing all that by myself adding in caring for you as a 3-year-old, a full-time job, and the just time for me was enormous. To do that day in and day out and not fall deep into a bottomless hole, demands respect. While I was fortunate to be able to hire babysitters to help out when needed, I fully realized what my reality would be if I couldn’t or what it would be if I were a woman. On many occasions, people would feel like they could tell me that I should just have the babysitter do this or do that because that’s what was expected of HER. That pissed me off because the babysitter wasn’t my servant and it negates the fact that I was the father and it was MY job to do these things.
It made me take a hard look at how we view and what we expect of women as mothers, especially single mothers.

“Being a black man, well first, I just want to point out that's one of the reasons I got the bee tattoo. Right here on the side of my neck. Um, I told a couple of people this, but, um, I kind of figured the black men in America, black women in America, the same way as bees are perceived in a way that. We both help society. It's such high regard and such standards, but we're killed in fear. Somebody sees a bee that's coming around, they don't want to get stung. They swing at it, they hit it.” - Joel Norman, 21

Dad: America is a hypocrite—she loves to have her cake and eat it too. She loves to tout how she views black men as integral in her life cycle to the rest of the world yet turns a blind eye to the continual discriminatory actions/laws/responses in her own backyard. America loves projecting the continued stereotypes of black men because it’s both profitable for some (hence, the continual culture theft/appropriation in entertainment, fashion, art, etc.) and helps push political agenda for others (we’re witnessing it now in Congress and several southern/midwestern states).

Me: How have you navigated fatherhood knowing what your son will have to go through being a black man in America both before and after mom's death?
Dad: As a father and a black man in America, the only way to navigate through fatherhood is to be completely honest with oneself that no matter what you teach, say or do, you cannot protect your son like you want from all the shit you know he’ll face. You do the best you can and really just cross your fingers. It helps to be located in a more “progressive” part of the country but that gets you only so far. Before your mom was killed, I only thought about keeping you safe from falling or swallowing anything you put in your mouth. After her death, my thoughts stayed the same until you hit teenage years. Then the real serious thoughts crept into my mind.

Me: To you, What does it mean to be a Black man in America?
Dad: Plain and simple, a threat. Everywhere you go in the good old USA, being a black man in America means you are constantly viewed through the lens of being a threat—that you don’t belong because you are trouble JUST BECAUSE you are black. It’s routed throughout American DNA no matter all the polite bullshit or societal illusions. 2020 really showed how true this is. And your threat level goes up the darker one’s skin tone is so you’re dealing with inherent racism and colorism to top it off.

“When I was younger, my parents would always tell me not to wear du-rags and hoods outside the house. At the time, I didn’t understand why. It wasn’t until Trayvon Martin was murdered where I started to understand how America really feels about black men. This is where the idea of double-consciousness began for me.” - Sebastian Alexander Bass

Dad: Before your mother’s death, as two parents we could support one another through the ups and downs of raising a newborn to a toddler. I freely admit there were things she did that I took for granted such as the planning/scheduling of pediatrician appointments, daycare, playdates. As a man, I was a bit blinded by the fact people didn’t fully expect me to worry about this but as a woman, it was expected of your mother. After her death, the weight of doing all that by myself adding in caring for you as a 3-year-old, a full-time job, and the just time for me was enormous. To do that day in and day out and not fall deep into a bottomless hole, demands respect. While I was fortunate to be able to hire babysitters to help out when needed, I fully realized what my reality would be if I couldn’t or what it would be if I were a woman. On many occasions, people would feel like they could tell me that I should just have the babysitter do this or do that because that’s what was expected of HER. That pissed me off because the babysitter wasn’t my servant and it negates the fact that I was the father and it was MY job to do these things.
It made me take a hard look at how we view and what we expect of women as mothers, especially single mothers.

“Being a black man, well first, I just want to point out that's one of the reasons I got the bee tattoo. Right here on the side of my neck. Um, I told a couple of people this, but, um, I kind of figured the black men in America, black women in America, the same way as bees are perceived in a way that. We both help society. It's such high regard and such standards, but we're killed in fear. Somebody sees a bee that's coming around, they don't want to get stung. They swing at it, they hit it.” - Joel Norman, 21

Dad: America is a hypocrite—she loves to have her cake and eat it too. She loves to tout how she views black men as integral in her life cycle to the rest of the world yet turns a blind eye to the continual discriminatory actions/laws/responses in her own backyard. America loves projecting the continued stereotypes of black men because it’s both profitable for some (hence, the continual culture theft/appropriation in entertainment, fashion, art, etc.) and helps push political agenda for others (we’re witnessing it now in Congress and several southern/midwestern states).

Me: How have you navigated fatherhood knowing what your son will have to go through being a black man in America both before and after mom's death?
Dad: As a father and a black man in America, the only way to navigate through fatherhood is to be completely honest with oneself that no matter what you teach, say or do, you cannot protect your son like you want from all the shit you know he’ll face. You do the best you can and really just cross your fingers. It helps to be located in a more “progressive” part of the country but that gets you only so far. Before your mom was killed, I only thought about keeping you safe from falling or swallowing anything you put in your mouth. After her death, my thoughts stayed the same until you hit teenage years. Then the real serious thoughts crept into my mind.

Me: To you, What does it mean to be a Black man in America?
Dad: Plain and simple, a threat. Everywhere you go in the good old USA, being a black man in America means you are constantly viewed through the lens of being a threat—that you don’t belong because you are trouble JUST BECAUSE you are black. It’s routed throughout American DNA no matter all the polite bullshit or societal illusions. 2020 really showed how true this is. And your threat level goes up the darker one’s skin tone is so you’re dealing with inherent racism and colorism to top it off.

“When I was younger, my parents would always tell me not to wear du-rags and hoods outside the house. At the time, I didn’t understand why. It wasn’t until Trayvon Martin was murdered where I started to understand how America really feels about black men. This is where the idea of double-consciousness began for me.” - Sebastian Alexander Bass

Dad: Before your mother’s death, as two parents we could support one another through the ups and downs of raising a newborn to a toddler. I freely admit there were things she did that I took for granted such as the planning/scheduling of pediatrician appointments, daycare, playdates. As a man, I was a bit blinded by the fact people didn’t fully expect me to worry about this but as a woman, it was expected of your mother. After her death, the weight of doing all that by myself adding in caring for you as a 3-year-old, a full-time job, and the just time for me was enormous. To do that day in and day out and not fall deep into a bottomless hole, demands respect. While I was fortunate to be able to hire babysitters to help out when needed, I fully realized what my reality would be if I couldn’t or what it would be if I were a woman. On many occasions, people would feel like they could tell me that I should just have the babysitter do this or do that because that’s what was expected of HER. That pissed me off because the babysitter wasn’t my servant and it negates the fact that I was the father and it was MY job to do these things.
It made me take a hard look at how we view and what we expect of women as mothers, especially single mothers.

“Being a black man, well first, I just want to point out that's one of the reasons I got the bee tattoo. Right here on the side of my neck. Um, I told a couple of people this, but, um, I kind of figured the black men in America, black women in America, the same way as bees are perceived in a way that. We both help society. It's such high regard and such standards, but we're killed in fear. Somebody sees a bee that's coming around, they don't want to get stung. They swing at it, they hit it.” - Joel Norman, 21

Dad: America is a hypocrite—she loves to have her cake and eat it too. She loves to tout how she views black men as integral in her life cycle to the rest of the world yet turns a blind eye to the continual discriminatory actions/laws/responses in her own backyard. America loves projecting the continued stereotypes of black men because it’s both profitable for some (hence, the continual culture theft/appropriation in entertainment, fashion, art, etc.) and helps push political agenda for others (we’re witnessing it now in Congress and several southern/midwestern states).

Me: How have you navigated fatherhood knowing what your son will have to go through being a black man in America both before and after mom's death?
Dad: As a father and a black man in America, the only way to navigate through fatherhood is to be completely honest with oneself that no matter what you teach, say or do, you cannot protect your son like you want from all the shit you know he’ll face. You do the best you can and really just cross your fingers. It helps to be located in a more “progressive” part of the country but that gets you only so far. Before your mom was killed, I only thought about keeping you safe from falling or swallowing anything you put in your mouth. After her death, my thoughts stayed the same until you hit teenage years. Then the real serious thoughts crept into my mind.